This is a guest post by my husband of nearly 14 years, Bobby. I'm grateful for his input and it gave me even more insight into what it is like to be the spouse of someone that has undergone bariatric surgery.
I have always been big. My family is big. This is who I am. I have watched my dad go through this change (bariatric surgery) as well as my mom and sister. Until my wife said she was thinking of doing it, none of these thoughts went through my head.
Lisa is a new person, the happiest I have ever seen her. Her confidence is higher than I could have ever hoped. It has taken longer than I thought but we are learning how to live better and her health is greatly improved. Sadly, people do treat her better. Unfortunately when you are thin, many people are nicer to you. Friends and family are much the same, although some seem envious of how much she has changed, but still happy for her. Men do look at her a lot more, I am learning to cope with that. Learning how to eat and what makes her sick caught us by surprise a little. Food she once loved now makes her sick all night. We have made three trips to the ER to take care of unforeseen problems, one simply because a piece of popcorn got stuck in her esophagus.
As a spouse, this is much harder than I thought it would be. Watching her in pain because she drank water too fast or ate ground beef is frustrating. I often feel helpless, and this is a feeling I do not handle well.
With any life changing decision, there are fears and hopes these are/were mine:
Fears: Will my wife lose herself? As a fat person myself much of who I am is wrapped up in in my size. Will she be the same woman I have know for the last 15 years? Will I be left behind as the "fat" one? Will she start to see ME differently - lazy, unhealthy, etc. How much work will it be for her and our family? As the primary cook in the family, what will she start making us eat? Will this make her happy? Will she become the person she envisions in her head? How much will this cost in regard to new clothing, different food, cosmetics, hair and nails, etc? What or how different will family and friends treat her? And the big one for me - How will she be looked at by other men?
It has been wonderful seeing the changes in my wife. I love seeing how happy she is buying new clothes because they are cute not just because they fit. I am working on being complemented, rather than threatened when men give her attention. Like anything in life, it has taken work, tears, sleepless nights, and arguments. this has been one the best things to happen to my wife (other than marrying me, of course!) Most of my fears were unfounded as they tend to be. The benefits and changes have improved our life and they have brought us closer than we were even a year ago. I am immeasurably proud of my wife, and impressed with how she has handled all of these changes. I love her dearly.
